Thread: Wide Awake
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Old 04-26-2013, 12:19 AM
FullofLove1052 FullofLove1052 is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: English Rose by birth; Calling the Southern Hemi home by choice.
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The damage was assessed on my car. 894. The officer did not submit a report. I am like seriously jackass? This person rear ended ME, and I might have to pay? I hope he at least got the driver's name. How bloody incompetent.

My back feels better. I chose not to self medicate or take anything. I am not as sore now. I am going back to work. I tried sitting in the bed doing nothing. It drove me crazy. I was up doing laundry and everything else.

Counselling was alright. The issue with Si is still unresolved, but we are working on our other issues little by little. His trust in me is slowly increasing. I appreciate his honesty. We switched roles today. He was spot on with the things that I say, my facial expressions, and even my mannerisms. It loosened us up, but it was a learning experience. It made me realise how he sees me. It was entertaining and not in a negative light. I pulled out some of his Matt-isms and that sarcasm that is always lingering. Despite him getting on my nerves and being a royal pain in the bum, we are getting closer. We are still working on communication and how to do it effectively. I have habits to break. They are like strongholds. I am getting better, though. I know what I need to improve on, and I am actively working towards that.

I am not as stressed right now. I could let their drama get to me, but it is not in my best interest. The more I think about certain things, the more I understand the feelings and actions. I hate to say it, but there are things Matt might have been right about. I was in the middle. Now, I am on the outside looking in. I have a deeper understanding. I am not mad at him for wanting to remove himself from my poly family. He was more tolerant than I ever could have been.

I feel bad for my ex. I realise she has lost quite a bit in a little amount of time. I am amazed at how people are up in arms about my decision to end my relationship. I tried to save it. I was caring enough for the both of us. I was not happy with the way things were going. I was not a fan of being ignored. One person cannot save a relationship. I told her how it was hurting me. She did not seem to care. I felt deserted. That did not feel like love. I will never be immune to someone's pain. I was tired of fighting a losing battle, so I stepped back and gave her all the time and space she could ever need. I needed to work on myself anyway. I do still care about her and only want the best for her. Are we going to get back together? I do not know. That is not on my mind these days. I am committed to working on our friendship, though. For now, that is enough for us.
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