Well. Here I am again. Posting here, I mean, not in any sort of situation.
We're still fumbling along. This long distance thing SUCKS. A lot. I think a LOT of my problems are just dealing with long distance stuff. It will end soon enough, as the plan was in place to move to his city before he and I even got remotely serious. And that is happening soon.
Which then beings a whole bunch of other stuff. I have not dated someone in my own city in about 3 1/2 years. 2 of them, not dating. LOL. So, I am very, very used to being very, very independent and alone. Now to go from seeing ___ once a month to???
I know I just have to sit back, take a chill pill, and let things play out.
I am very excited about moving because once I get settled, oh boy, am I ready to start dating again. I really haven't been because honestly I have SOOOOO much going on, I can not even handle this long distance once a month thing well. I don't think it is fair for any other potential partner or friend or whatever for me to go on a few dates, and then be all, "Moving, bye!" And I do not have the energy to give to anyone.
I do have a super sweet fella who I have not yet met, but we have been texting and talking a lot. I'll meet him next month, we'll see. He is ridiculously young for me, and honestly I don't think there's much there besides FWBs, but hey...who knows. By young I mean 15 years younger. Which, for me...is a LOT. I usually only date people my age or a little older. Oh well, bust out the cougar mode, I guess.
On my last visit to visit ___ we ended up going to a sort of swinger party. And found the loveliest lady. I have really been exploring my sexual side with women a lot this past year and have really been enjoying it. She has a boyfriend and was not down with going too far with ___, but she and I and he had a ton of fun. She and I have been texting a lot since, so maybe this will be something more regular.
By biggest struggle of late is that ___'s life is such a disaster, he really doesn't have much of a chance to get out of his own head enough to give me what I need. To give anyone, really. And it is hard. Neither of us got into this expecting it to start becoming very serious, and somehow that kind of happened. But it is a constant one step up and two steps back, emotional connect and then withdrawal. And it is kind of messing with my head. I am hoping that once I am closer and this turns into something more predictable, it will become clear if it is going to work, or if it is just going to turn into a very deep, close friendship with no romance and no sex.
I am kind of looking forward to predictable. I absolutely LOVE those small moments. That waking up on Sunday, drinking coffee and doing the crossword together. Not so much the dinners and parties and so on, more the little, intimate bits that are easy to take for granted.
Ugh. Rambling. Feedback on any of this is OK, btw... I don't know what there really is to give feedback on, but....