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Old 01-14-2010, 09:06 PM
polynerdist polynerdist is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2010
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"Relationships for me are give and take."

I agree. My ideal is that positive energy flows both ways, not just from one to the other. I don't want people giving because they feel forced coerced to do so. I want it to be from the heart. "Give and give."

"If someone's in an abusive or one-sided relationship, would you feel it's a virtue to "give [...] without expection of reciprication"?"

No, I don't think it would be a virtue. I don't think one sided relationships are healthy, and certainly not my ideal.

My ideal is that everyone gives without expectation, but *everyone* in the relationship does that. So that creates the balance, I guess.


"Also, "sharing resources" could be interpreted vaguely as in the aforementioned "love and affection" or more specifically as "time" or "money". [...]

I'm a huge fan of sharing with people I love, don't get me wrong, but I'm not sure I'd hold "sharing resources" as an ideal itself. "

I agree, it is a bit of a vague statement. I myself am not totally clear about what this looks like for me. There's many levels of sharing resources; from someone buying you coffee occasionally to living together and pooling money. What is exactly ideal for me? I'm not sure. But I do believe that my ideal relationship(s) would include an element of one another making contributions to each other's lives in this way.


"There are some people, for having various value sets, that I'd not want to share my resources with. "

Me too.

"For a single person to take "100% responsibility" for the quality of the relationship would seem to both absolve, and burden (chicken... egg... egg... chicken...) the people in that relationship. I see how people could take 100% responsibility for themselves, but claiming that you (or redpepper) are 100% responsible for your relationship working seem to dishonor both you and redpepper as individuals, in my eyes, and conflict with your points later.

As I see it, each person is 100% responsible at the same time. So I am 100% responsible and the other person is also 100% responsible. We are both totally responsible, and equally so. I don't mean that making things work is up to one person, just that it is an ideal of mine that each individual in the relationship takes the perspective of being responsible for what is happening to them, and in the relationship. Again, my ideal is that everyone in the relationship does this; if one person takes on responsibility while another disowns responsibility, then I don't think that's an ideal scenario.
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