Hi all. I am adding the following comment made on another topic to my original thread on here as it pretains to the development of my mono/poly relationship. It varies a bit form the original and I hope I don't sound like I am repeating myself LOL!.
Originally Posted by Quath
Probably the biggest issue is worring about losing a partner to another or feeling less desirable.
I admit this was at first my main concern when I entered a polyamorous relationship as a monogamous person. I absolutely have no fear of losing my partner (being replaced) now, as I feel totally loved and special.
My biggest area of concern is my approach towards sex and the value I associate towards it. This is a very big issue for me and causes me a great deal of stress when in group poly meetings where everyone's approach to sex/physical intimacy within relationships is different and generally not in line with my own. This is not about right or wrong, but about what I would be able to function in. 9 out of 10 times the answer I come up with is "not in my lifetime" LOL!!
The primary issue here is that I have no control over the affects some things have on my energy. I worry that my reaction to something or fear of reacting will hold us back in the develpoment of our relationship and in her being fulfilled. Redpepper sees right through me and I am getting better at discussing things without actualy letting them influence me in real time...not perfect, but better I feel bad for her in some ways..such a sensitive boyfriend LOL!!
This is an interesting and pivotal challenge for me, as well as for Redpepper, as we move towards the future and see how our relationship shapes. Not only will this define my relationship with her, but it also influences my ability to feel comfortable and healthy in my social interactions with people in the poly community. Communication is the key as (as you said Quath) and Redpepper, her husband and me definitely communicate.
Hope this is beneficial to someone..Redpepper, her family and me are doing great and I am still in awe of this whole experience!