Originally Posted by sydpowers23
...where i am having trouble is the fear that he might find someone that he loves more then me. I guess i want him to love me most and don't know if i can get past the jealousy if ever he loved someone more then me. very new to the whole poly concept so i need advice about if i am just being silly or if it is a legitamate fear and how best to deal with it
I don't think that you are being silly ... you have a fear - it needs to be addressed whether it is legitimate or not.
For myself, I don't feel that love is quantifiable in a "more than/less than" kind of way. I love each person that I love for themselves in a unique and different way - independent of the love that I have for others. Love itself is not a limited resource (although time and other factors may be which comes into play when someone is in the throes of NRE) - there is more than enough to go around.
The flip side - so what, exactly, is it that you fear would happen if he loves someone "more" (by whatever criteria means "more" to you) than he loves you - if he loves you "as much" as he did previously? If he's happier and you are getting your needs met then what are you losing? I think that this placing the symbol "more" on a higher plane than the reality of what you are actually experiencing in the reality of the relationship. (I just read a great article on placing too much emphasis on the symbols and not enough on what the symbols are actually representing...wish I could remember where it was).
PS. For the record, I am also worried about what happens when Dude (or, less likely, MrS) finds another partner and am worried about my own jealous response might be (that hasn't been tested in a very long time). "Loves them more" is not my particular hang-up - I'm still trying to figure out what it is...people are complicated