I haven't read through all your responses yet, but I feel compelled to answer anyhow. I learned I was poly and learned about poly at the same time, when I "fell for" the man I was supposed to be swinging with. My husband and I briefly experimented with swinging after 20+ years of marriage before we met this couple, both fell for them, and began an exclusive relationship. That was almost two years ago now and we haven't looked back.
I had never really heard of poly before, but I am definitely that. Now that I'm in this quad and love them all, i couldnt change it if I wanted to. And i wouldn't change a thing about how all this has happened to us. But I have to admit that poly found me, not the other way around. I didn't choose it. It chose me. But if I ever find myself in a monogamous relationship again, I think I'd choose to stay that wat! I love our quad, but its a lot of work and sometimes very complicated to be in a poly relationship!