GalaGirl - I really like your advise. It has helped me put a lot in order in my head.
Right now I am processing it all and i will be talking to my Wife and basically use a lot of what you said.
In the mean time I have another question. We were having a what if discussion, my wife and I. Basically is was if in 6 months or a year her and GF have stronger feelings such as in love feelings and I say I'm not okay with this anymore because I am not getting the things I want. And, that i don't know that i would be okay with her continue the relationship either. What happens?
Her response was she would be resentful and we would probably get a divorce. She said it would be wrong of me to have allowed her to get into this position where she could develop feelings for someone and then tell her it was not okay anymore.
Now the is all conjecture and it will probably never happen like that. But how should I look at that. Would I be wrong, is she wrong for saying we would be over.
This is all new to be. I and my wife never thought anything like this would come along. So if I'm rambling or asking weird things i apologize. Its all just a lot to take in at first. The article you posted "Are you in Poly Hell?" was especially good. After reading it, unfortunately that is how i feel to a T. Although is seemed to be more aimed at people with a primary relationship and one person has a secondary relationship and the two are kept separate.
But I am going to shut up know and write some thoughts down based on the things you have said and talk to my wife and try and get around to having a sit down talk with my wife and her friend.
Thanks for now. If you have anything else you would like to add not related to my direct issue, just random advise for situations like this please do. Articles are helpful as well.