Correct me if I am wrong ok? But I perceive this as... "I'm not as happy as I could be in my relationship as a secondary right now."
Could you clarify or elaborate on these?
I know I come second to her and at times it hurts.
(Why? Because of something she does/does not do? Or something you do/do not do?)
I only get to see her a for a few hours a couple times a week, and for most of that time he is around.
(Since time shared with her is precious, do you want more of that time ALONE with her? Have you asked? )
I want to be able to spend more time, time which she doesn't have.
(More time in general? Will things in future change the amount of time shared? Like if she's a student will graduation change time available? Or her work schedule changes? Or yours? )
She thinks that I should find myself another girl, actually in her words she wants me to find a "Hot bisexual Redhead" she was joking.
(Would you rather she empathize with you when you disclose rather than joke when you disclose your feelings?)
Honestly all I want is to be with her.
(Are you ok paying the current "price of admission" to get to be with her? Because she comes as a package with the other Sweetie, and the limitations on her time are what they are. Is this enough for you to be happy long term if NOTHING changes?)
Do you enjoy polyshipping?
Do you enjoy polyshipping in a primary-secondary open relationship model or prefer a different model?
Do you enjoy polyshipping in a primary-secondary open relationship model with these particular players?
That's 3 different things there to answer. Maybe answering those could help you pinpoint some of where the UGH lies?
Lots to think about there. I suggest that you could think about what needs you have that are not being met and what it could take to meet them so you can feel happier. Including thinking about not being in this any more if you find the price of admission is more than you want to pay. Think about ALL the possible options here, don't leave any out in your process.
Then figure out which option is best for YOU in the long term. Even if it means some short term UGH to endure while sorting it all out inside yourself.
Hang in there.