Hi Gala Girl,
Thankyou for taking so much time to reply. I know - I have quite a lot going on.
So, to answer your questions:
- as I said, it's a fantasy and certainly not something I'd rush into.
-Hubby not open to it - doesn't think he'll ever be
-Ben is conventional however openminded
-Grace is not interested
-Ben is openminded
-Grace is not so keen - would do if Hubby wanted it also
-I unfriended Ben. I respect Hubby's wishes but both Ben and I were sad to cut that off.
Grace wanting more time with Hubby
-I believe it would be easier if walls were dropped as we could both spend time with our partners at the same time and therefore allowing for more time together. Currently we see our lovers once a week.
-Ben keen for dinner
-Grace if Hubby would like her to come but otherwise not so keen
Rekindling with Hubby
-Hubby very happy that I'd like to work on us
-Ben likely feels disappointed somewhat that I'm not prepared to leave Hubby for him, though hasn't actually said this to me
-Grace is unaware that we have some work to do on our relationship - she accepts our marriage and appreciates her position as his secondary.
Ben seeing me more - coming out
-Ben still coming to terms with his position but slowly telling his friends and becoming open. He doesn't want to introduce me to his friends as feels that would create a shift and leave him vulnerable and hurt. He feels that his relationship with me is as enjoyable as it is painful!!
-Grace and Hubby have been seeing each other for over 6 months now and she and Hubby regularly catch up with her friends. They are quite open.
What does Ben need?
Ben doesn't know - either do I. I believe letting down these barriers would help at least as a process of elimination. All I know is that he's looking for a life partner and though that doesn't necessarily mean that needs to be mono, I'm just not sure that he feels good as a secondary partner.
-Hubby happy to give me more time with Ben but appreciates that we need to spend a little more time together to help strengthen our bond so at the moment, once a week is enough for him.
-Grace has all she needs in Hubby and has decided not to pursue other relationships at this time she would just like to see him a little more.
I don't believe Hubby is aware of the NRE. I have suggested he reads more about it though I did not really tell him that I was 'drunk' on it. We were already hanging by a thread and I didn't want to overcomplicate his thoughts by adding in that Ben (NRE) was the cause of our troubles.
Thanks for putting so much energy into my questions.