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Old 04-24-2013, 03:19 AM
dragonfire613 dragonfire613 is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2013
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GalaGirl View Post
Welcome -- and keep talking to wife about your boundaries. For you -- note how you talk to yourself about yourself in your head. Comparing, talking down, etc. Work to become secure in yourself.

Read things together --

http://www.practicalpolyamory.com/do...documents.html is a good starting point. Esp the pitfalls one and opening a monoship. Plan how to cope with jealously.

Labriola also does pitfalls here.

There's more at

http://www.serolynne.com/polyamory.htm
http://www.morethantwo.com/
http://www.kathylabriola.com/articles

Do you guys communicate well and have good interpersonal skills? How do you do conflict resolution? Perhaps the counselor can help you work on those. You may consider changing to a poly friendly counselor -- because if the counselor urging her to break it off with the other guy becomes an obstacle to good communication with wife and you both regaining marriage health then that's not good for the marriage.

Read things together and if/when pitfall moments hit, have the plan for how to navigate through them.

But before you even go there... if you do NOT want to be in polyship at all? This is what you arrive at after your soul searching? Don't. It's better to split up that to do something against your willingness.

I cannot tell if you are willing but nervous, or unwilling and feeling like "Ahhhh! What did I get myself into? It's too late!" like you are on a runaway train. How are you feeling?

Galagirl
Thanks for your reply. To answer a few of your questions... I feel like we have great communication (at least nowadays that I'm communicating), and for conflict resolution we always sit down and talk through it to find the best solution (not about who "wins" the conflict/argument).

As to how I'm feeling, it's more acceptance of this is who my wife is, and I am willing but nervous/anxious. I feel like my nerves regarding the whole thing are just due to my own insecurities. And I feel like that there has never been a more perfect time to work through those insecurities and grow as a person who respects and loves himself, which I've always struggled with.

I feel like this is as close as I've ever been to my wife, if not the closest. Things between us in our marriage since this whole thing began have just been consistently improving and every day it gets better. So I continually find myself asking "how is that a bad thing?"


Thanks also to the other replies, for the links and resources, I am definitely checking them out now. I actually found one of the good articles about poly-amors (what is the correct term? still learning the lingo) and it described my wife to a tee. It made clear so much about her I didn't understand over the years. I asked if she had ever heard of polyamory and she said no, so I made her read the article and she agreed she had always been that way but society/culture made her feel like she shouldn't have those feelings, so she spent years trying to conform but it changed nothing. Kind of reminded me of someone who is homosexual but "tries not to be" for a long time, refusing to accept who they are.

Anyway, communication continues. Will post more when I get some time. Thanks for the warm welcome!

Also, where are the blogs? It is not apparent to me.
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