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Old 01-14-2010, 05:51 PM
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lovefromgirl lovefromgirl is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: The Great Soggy Northeast
Posts: 353

Ceoli's experience -- that is, of affairs being damaging to all involved -- is mine too. Though my family did not come apart at the seams, I still wonder whenever my father ventures out with someone not my mother, and so does she. Something fundamental between us got broken when I was twelve. I think it's called "trust".

Short of being so screwed mentally that you don't know what you're doing, I don't think there is an excuse for keeping a secret like that. Married and unhappy? Try solving the problem with your partner, and if that doesn't work, get a divorce before you look elsewhere. Think you're poly? Bring it up with the one you're with first, and then go forward weighing whether poly overrides the existing relationship.

Yes, even if you're gay and frustrated, there is no reason you can't tell your partner "It's not you, it's your plumbing, and I just don't feel for you what you want me to feel." I respected someone who failed completely on that count. He's still my friend, but I've gone through hell reconciling what he did with my own pain from years ago.

And if I found out a lover of mine was using me to cause hir partner pain? Gone. That's my dealbreaker. I am nobody's dirty little secret. I deserve to be counted. I deserve legitimacy. No sex, no love, is worth the betrayed party's pain. Period.
"I swear, if we live through this somebody's going to find their automatic shower preferences reprogrammed for ice water."

Refuge in Audacity { home of the post-raph stunner }
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