I'm not being critical or judgmental here... I hope I don't sound that way. I just am having trouble seeing where the cookies are for you and how this is healthy
for you to be in based on this post alone.
Where are the cookies for you?
Are you content in a marriage where sex with wife only happens in a group sex context with her GF? How is this better than the sexless/low sex marriage of 2 in the long term?
How's the GF feel about all that? Oh, you don't know how GF feels because the wife doesn't plan to tell her and does not want you to tell your shared lover either? Even though you all might share group sex? That's sounds weird to me. Less than honest on both you and your wife's part to the GF. The GF is getting lies of omission. That's not cool.
How are you feeling? Poly hell article
things -- demotion, displacement, intrusion?
My wife knows all of this and she has basically said I need to get over it (in regards to the lack of inmate interaction) and see what happens. She tells me that nothing has changed from before this all started in regards to her feelings toward me, so why is there a problem. I tell her that I was unhappy before and in regards to that aspect of our life I am still unhappy.
How are you feeling with the lack of support/nurture/empathy from wife? Her telling you to just get over it on your own? And her POV since she was happy before, all is well in your shared married world, right? You don't get a voice in the marriage? That's an odd attitude to me. She doesn't have to worry about the care and keeping of her husband's emotional needs or well being in a marriage by providing some support/nurture at times?
Don't confuse finally getting SOME of your sex connection and emotional connection needs met by wife with long term marriage improvement things.
Could she be giving you partial cookies for now just to get what she wants? (ex: get to be with the GF?) And once achieved, she's going to be emotionally distant again?
She doesn't sound hot on full disclosure here. Or meeting other people's needs.
If she can't run a 2 people thing with you in open, honest healthy ways... I don't see how she can run a 3 people thing with you and GF. One of your poly players there seems kinda weak.
If she's come to find her sexual orientation is actually lesbian and she is not into men? It could be kinder to divorce and learn to co-parent the kids and leave you BOTH free to find romance in the shape you both can be happiest in. Be co-parenting friends than two people in open marriage weirdness.
Could sort it out. Starting with you first -- what do YOU want out of life. Is this it?