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Old 04-24-2013, 01:03 AM
JaneQSmythe JaneQSmythe is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Pennsyl-tucky
Posts: 1,862

Originally Posted by Vixtoria View Post
There are douchebags and there are poly people. There is over lap. However, being a douchebag does not make you poly and being poly does not make you a douchebag. In other words, a person's douchebaggery transcends their relationship status, sexuality, sex, race, religion and all that. It stands on it's own!
Well said! (I had to add it to my quotes on my profile.)

OP - this guy may be saying/showing you that this is how HE does poly - but that doesn't really define it for anyone else. Some people may want less emotionally intimate relationships with their partners (which isn't necessarily NO relationship but less deep/involved relationships) - but it doesn't sound like that is what YOU want.

If he is willing to let his other relationships detract from relationship building with you, then it may be that he is simply not interesting in developing a deeper relationship with you regardless of his other relationship. YOUR desire seems to be to connect with more that one person, but on a deeper/more intimate level.

Fundamentally this seems to be a "relationship problem" not necessarily a "poly problem" - if he were mono and letting his work/hobbies/friends interfere with his ability to pay attention to your needs in this relationship would you be putting up with that? How would you handle that situation?

Me: poly bi female, in an "open-but-not-looking" V-plus with -
MrS: hetero polyflexible male, live-in husband (24+ yrs)
Dude: hetero poly male, live-in boyfriend (6+ yrs) and MrS's BFF
SLeW: platonic hetero girlfriend and BFF
MrClean: hetero mono male, almost lover-friend to me, FWBs to SLeW
+ "others" = FBs, FWBs, lover-friends, platonic G/BFs, boytoys, etc.

My poly blogs here:
The Journey of JaneQSmythe
The Notebook of JaneQSmythe
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