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Old 01-14-2010, 05:10 PM
Ceoli Ceoli is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: London, UK
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GroundedSpirit View Post
I'm assuming as it relates to this topic that - for example - one belief system might entail holding to a 'don't touch' policy of anyone in an existing relationship without full disclosure to all because of the risk of danger ? That I understand - the 'classic' view.
No, it entails valuing relationships where there can be full honesty. There's a bit of a difference in that. And I'm not sure what you mean by calling it the "classic" view. Is that to say that it is an old view that is due for some evolving. I'm not sure, but there seems to be that implication, so I'll just ask if that's the case.



Quote:
Only ONE possible outcome. I do/did acknowledge all the less favorable ones. But the question remains - do we never 'risk' moving forward in the fear of moving backwards. My theory is that each case (risks) has to be evaluated individually. I just can't connect with B/W in this regard.
I never said that it had to be black and white. But evaluating the risks doesn't change the basic choice at hand. The risk assessment just lends weight to choose in a particular direction. So if one sees a benefit worth all the risks in moving forward with a relationship with someone who is cheating on there SO, one is still making the choice that is either aligned with values that say it's ok to have such a relationship or they are choosing to move forward despite values that say it's not ok.

Quote:
And isn't it in fact 'them' that is trying to 'move'? And how do we respond ? Assist - or stand idly by and wish them luck ? Either of which, by the way, I feel are appropriate choices depending on the situation.
A person choosing to cheat on their SO isn't "them". It's that individual person. I don't think that person has the right to do things on the other person's behalf such as "move their relationship forward" in such a dishonest and one-sided way. I've been faced with the situation of falling for a person who was cheating. We didn't have a romantic relationship because I wouldn't allow it. So we became friends. We talked a lot about her issues with her girlfriend and I offered what perspective I could.

But I don't see how enabling the behavior which is problematic helps. If you consider that being dishonest and cheating is sometimes appropriate, that's one thing. While I understand that there are some very powerful reasons people cheat and that people who do cheat aren't necessarily horrible people or dishonest people in their nature, they are still making a choice to do something that is dishonest and potentially hurtful. I choose to not contribute to that method of "moving someone else's relationship forward".
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