Confused but excited with questions??
I am new to here so first hello. *I am a 34 year old male. *I have a situation that I could use some advise on. I believe this may be the beginnings of a poly relationship. This may ramble a bit my thoughts and emotions here are quite jumbled.
A little background first. My wife and I have been married for 9 yrs this Sept. We have three children a 2yr old girl, 4 yr old boy, and 7 yr old daughter. Our sexual / intimate side of our marriage has been hurting a lot over the last 5 yrs or so. Sex is very few and far between and intimacy is almost none existent, which is mostly my fault. *I love her very much and she says the same. Recently a friend that my wife has been hanging out with for a yr off and on came by the house to hang out and one thing lead to another and some fooling around took place. Nothing more then kissing an touching. Since that first experience things have escalated a lot, over the past few months. My wife and her are developing something. My wife says she is unsure of what it is right now, until the bright and shinny newness wears off, but she believes it could go on to a loving relationship. *I myself have not had much chance to get know my wife's friend, something me and her are going to remedy. Neither of us want to have our interactions be based solely on a sexual desire. This whole situation started as just having fun but has now developed into something much more for my wife and her friend.
Now to the root of my question. My wife tells me she does not want me in an intimate way and she is not sure if she ever will. She will have sex with me and do other things while all three of us are interacting. Alone is a different story. She has also told me that because of this development with her friend she has questioning her sexual orientation and she wonders if maybe she only likes girls and that is her reason for not wanting an intimate relationship with me. None of this is set in stone and may change next week, my wife says. Although the intimacy issue has been going on for years. I have just accepted it. Now with our new situation, and seeing my wife with her friend has just brought it to the fore front, for me, they are quite intimate. That doesn't make me angry per-say but hurt a bit, sometimes. For instance the other night I was completely left out and I'm not quite sure how I should feel about that.
My wife knows all of this and she has basically said I need to get over it (in regards to the lack of inmate interaction) and see what happens. She tells me that nothing has changed from before this all started in regards to her feelings toward me, so why is there a problem. I tell her that I was unhappy before and in regards to that aspect of our life I am still unhappy. She doesn't want to talk to her friend about our problem because my wife says in doesn't concern her, it is our deal and that is it. Now , I'm not sure if my wife means that or just doesn't want to talk to her friend about this because she is afraid it may send her running. I'm confused here as to what is right in these regards? *I don't want to cause waves. Since her friend has been part of our lives both my wife an I feel that our relationship has become stronger. We talk more and are more open with our feelings. That being said I feel that I am coming to fill a secondary role and my wife and her friend are becoming primary. They are pretty hot and heavy and really into each other.
I could go on and on but that is enough and hopefully you all can give me some advise on how to understand this new, confusing, but exciting situation.