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Old 01-14-2010, 03:56 PM
Ceoli Ceoli is offline
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: London, UK
Posts: 900

Originally Posted by GroundedSpirit View Post
As we've encountered these situations in real life there has always been the question of dealing with theoretical absolutes vs stark reality.
As I've encountered these situations in real life there has always been the question of my values. I don't see any "theoretical absolutes" in conflict with the reality of the situation at all.

Picture the worst case scenerio....... a case where the person we choose to embrace was in a classic, monogamous and conservative relationship (or marriage)- let's say with all the trimmings- i.e. family, property etc etc and had no desire to end that out of what might be considered selfish motivation. If there is love (to whatever degree possible on whatever level) there and love for children and acceptance of responsibility etc and eventually their indiscretion was discovered, a hard conversation is going to be evoked within that relationship. A conversation that SHOULD have been had long before this. One of the results of that conversation will be that someone is going to become suddenly enlightened of the fact that love, affection and relationships can occur and prosper outside the bounds of the "accepted model". At that point the new direction the established relationship takes is going to be largely in THEIR (newly enlightened person) hands. They can hold firm to their old worldview and belief systems and refuse to even investigate what this might all mean - or they can take some time to look deeper - and research and make a more informed decision.
For a worst case scenario, you seem to be laying out quite an idealistic view of the outcome. While that enlightenment may be the outcome for some people, I've seen the wreckage of the other outcome first hand. It involves lives and families being destroyed. And kids being hurt.

Now for those of you that would choose to call this a "cop out" or "justification" I ask...........
Where do we find substantiation of the concept that WE are 'responsible' for the thoughts & actions of others ?
In terms of romantic relationships, we are responsible for our own thoughts and actions. To think that my getting into a relationship with someone who is cheating on their SO has the chance to somehow "move" their relationship to a more healthy state and that is a good reason to move forward with them sidesteps the actual values in question. I simply think that if their relationship needs to move to a healthier place, it's going to be *them* that move it to what's right for *them*. I don't think of it as my place to decide where the health of their relationship should lie and then choose my actions based on moving along their relationship. I can only make choices for *my* relationships.

But all of that seems to sidestep the actual values involved. Either you feel it's ok to be involved with someone who isn't being honest or you feel it's not ok. If you feel it's ok, then fine. If you feel it's not ok but choose to set aside those values with an "ends justify the means" mentality, that's completely your right and your choice to do that. Of course when you fall hard for someone and those feelings become so strong that the choice feels almost impossible to make, it could feel like theory is bumping into reality. But those values don't go away. Our strong feelings may push us to go one way or the other, but that doesn't change the reality and consequences of the choices we make.

However, that is not a situation of stark reality affecting your choices and negating some theoretical absolute. It's simply a matter of what values you hold in the relationships you seek and whether or not you choose to follow them.

Last edited by Ceoli; 01-14-2010 at 03:59 PM.
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