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Old 01-14-2010, 03:50 PM
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CielDuMatin CielDuMatin is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Upstate New York, USA
Posts: 1,467

Originally Posted by GroundedSpirit View Post
The reason I say this is because it reflects the reality - and difficulty - of living in a primarily 'mono' culture.
Agreed, and we have a choice how many of the "monogamous culture"'s mores and ethics we take on board in our chosen lovestyle.

Living poly has sometimes reminded me of concepts expressed in a book called "Tipping Point" - an analysis of how certain trends begin & grow, spidering out in many directions until for whatever reason they hit a critical mass - a 'tipping point' - when in a short period of time there's suddenly as mass shift.
I agree strongly with you there - I think that acceptance of poly could just as easily come from an evolution (leading to a Tipping Point) as a revolution. Trying to find others who may be struggling (and potentially turning their backs on poly because they feel so alone) and helping them feel part of something, answering their questions and supporting them is part of my goals in the poly community - the more people we have, the closer we are to the Tipping Point.

If we have the chance to enhance someone else's life & happiness albeit with some (potential) risk of damaging some other unknown persons situation or belief system. And that's really at the core of it.
See, for me, that's not the core of it.

The core problem for me is that lying and cheating seem to be becoming more and more accepted in society. That people making promises, whether wedding vows or legal contracts, do it with their fingers crossed behind their backs. Promises become less meaningful and trust gets eroded as a consequence.

When I lived in Germany I seemed to be with a crowd that all cheated on their spouses. What was interesting what that they all thought they were doing it, and their spouses weren't, but I knew the spouses were (and thought they were the only one). The level of trust between these people was horrendously low, but it felt so much like the norm. That's not a world that I want to live in, thank you.

So... making a justification (as I have heard many do) that it makes the person happy, and their spouse is some stranger and I'm not responsible for that would be a cop-out to me. Like disapproving of smoking but buying someone cigarettes as a present - how does that stop them smoking, and how does me having an affair with them stop them from cheating with their supposed loved-one?

Where do we find substantiation of the concept that WE are 'responsible' for the thoughts & actions of others ?
We're not - we're responsible for our own actions and I choose not to buy that person cigarettes - they can get them elsewhere. I am not going to help support them do what I believe is damaging, no matter how they choose to justify it. If others do, that's their choice.

Is the right direction to take a "hands off" / "don't go there" approach solely because the current model is dominant ? When do we cease to empower it ?
We cease to empower it when we choose not to make cheating on a loved one more acceptable than being honest with the people that we supposedly care about.

If having open and honest relationships is a fundamental value we have in common, I don't believe that "becoming the enemy" and supporting and nurturing dishonest relationships is going to move us towards that Tipping Point in any way.

"Listen, or your tongue will make you deaf." - Native American Proverb

Last edited by CielDuMatin; 01-14-2010 at 03:54 PM.
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