It sounds like you entered into this relationship with your eyes open knowing how it would be. You haven't been with this person for very long, and according to the story he gave you, they don't have much experience with nonmonogamy. You clearly are not happy with this situation. He sounds like a douche to me the way you described it. Now i'm expecting you to come back and say that he's not like anyone you've ever met, he makes you feel like no one ever has before, if only he'd chaaaaaaaange and if only his wife would stop being a controlling harpy.
Am i getting this?