Thanks for everyone who's weighed in so far. I was glad to see support both from the "moderators" and many others of the applicability of the topic here because I can't see many other topics that really are 'more' applicable.
The reason I say this is because it reflects the reality - and difficulty - of living in a primarily 'mono' culture. Living poly has sometimes reminded me of concepts expressed in a book called "Tipping Point" - an analysis of how certain trends begin & grow, spidering out in many directions until for whatever reason they hit a critical mass - a 'tipping point' - when in a short period of time there's suddenly as mass shift.
I intend to quote & address some specific points many of you have posted as I think they deserve discussion. In another post.
If it can help clarify the topic any I'd lay it out here in another fashion.
As we've encountered these situations in real life there has always been the question of dealing with theoretical absolutes vs stark reality. In other words, which is the 'better' road to take in a particular situation. If we have the chance to enhance someone else's life & happiness albeit with some (potential) risk of damaging some other unknown persons situation or belief system. And that's really at the core of it. Picture the worst case scenerio....... a case where the person we choose to embrace was in a classic, monogamous and conservative relationship (or marriage)- let's say with all the trimmings- i.e. family, property etc etc and had no desire to end that out of what might be considered selfish motivation. If there is love (to whatever degree possible on whatever level) there and love for children and acceptance of responsibility etc and eventually their indiscretion was discovered, a hard conversation is going to be evoked within that relationship. A conversation that SHOULD have been had long before this. One of the results of that conversation will be that someone is going to become suddenly enlightened of the fact that love, affection and relationships can occur and prosper outside the bounds of the "accepted model". At that point the new direction the established relationship takes is going to be largely in THEIR (newly enlightened person) hands. They can hold firm to their old worldview and belief systems and refuse to even investigate what this might all mean - or they can take some time to look deeper - and research and make a more informed decision.
Now for those of you that would choose to call this a "cop out" or "justification" I ask...........
Where do we find substantiation of the concept that WE are 'responsible' for the thoughts & actions of others ?
When thinking this through I might suggest starting with examples of the "don't ask - don't tell" relationships that have & do exist, quite successfully, for eons and still do. For a reason. But there's a myriad of variations on that model spanning both extremes.
We may get into that separately in another thread.
Is the right direction to take a "hands off" / "don't go there" approach solely because the current model is dominant ? When do we cease to empower it ?
Last edited by GroundedSpirit; 01-14-2010 at 03:22 PM.