Originally Posted by AnnabelMore
It just seems to me like, for all three of you, extreme responses come the most naturally. Matt cutting out Si so completely and irrevocably, Si refusing to speak to anyone or go to counseling, you breaking up with Si, and now this... I am putting in a word for a moderate approach, even though I know you're afraid of the tension that that would continue to allow to be in the air. Is that tension really going to be harder for your daughter than completely and suddenly losing Mom #2? I think tension, and even the occasional explosion, amongst parents is just a part of life for kids of divorce, to go back to that analogy, and yet, while it's unpleasant, I guarantee you those kids would prefer it over losing someone completely for reasons they couldn't possibly understand and will probably take personally.
I try to find solutions that could work. I usually do not jump from A-Z and skip everything in between. In this case, I have tried all kinds of things, and nothing seems to be working. Somebody always ends up feeling some type of way. Either Matt is pissed because she is still around and infringing on his time, or she feels that she is not getting enough time because he is still blocking it. He half-arse agrees like letting our daughter go with strict time constraints or not letting our son go with her. It is never cut and dry, and it is never without some type of disagreement. I am surprised he is not micromanaging and telling her what things are off-limits. I am sure that is coming and supervised visits, too.
The tension is bad because things are still volatile between them, and I know that if given the chance, they will battle it out again. Emotions are too high. What happens if my children are there, and they witness that? Right now, the two of them cannot be alone with our children. She is still not welcome in our home anyway, so for now public places only because then they are forced to act with a bit of decorum and mind their manners.
I would love a moderate approach that would not involve them losing a parent, but what is the cost of that approach, and how much damage will be done this time around?