Sometimes, I start feeling like I'm lacking an important source of security in my life because I don't have a primary partner. Who's my guaranteed +1 for important life events, I ask myself. Who will buy a house with me, or parent children with me, if I decide I want those things? Who will look out for me when I'm old and sick?
Then I think about all the people in my lives who found no ultimate security in primary partnerships. The friend whose husband died suddenly. The friend whose wife left him when he got sick. The other friend whose husband blindsided her with a completely unexpected "I dont love you any more." The co-worker whose long-time partner and co-parent went off her meds, had an affair, and now treats her with disdain for no discernable reason despite every attempt to reason with her.
Security has to come from myself. My family, friends, and partners can and should be an important support network for me, and maybe someday I *will* find someone to walk hand in hand with me through a large portion, or maybe even all, of my life. But I don't need that, and there are never any guarantees. My friends who lost their life mates are going strong. And so am I.
Me, 30ish bi female, been doing solo poly for roughly 5 years. Gia, Clay, and Pike, my partners. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler.