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Old 04-23-2013, 03:46 PM
Tonberry Tonberry is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Oregon, USA
Posts: 1,443

Okay, going back to the divorce.

I was holding back on updates because, really, not much was happening. Summary since October last year:

- October 2012: my lawyer sends an official notice to Raga's parents (his only known address) that we need his birth certificate. To my insistence, she adds a not that I plan on returning the engagement ring when I receive the birth certificate (even though she keeps pointing out that it's now my property and not theirs).
- November 2012: we get the proof of receipt, but no answer.
- December 2012: I am too tired of this whole ring thing. I never wanted it to become a bargaining chip, it was just supposed to be a symbolic mark that we were divorced (he gives it to me when he proposes, I return it when we're divorced). But it lead to too much hatred. I return it.
- January 2013: the ring is received. I'm back in France and meet with my lawyer. She decides to try submitting the paperwork to the judge without a birth certificate of his, since he won't give us one.
- February 2013: I send Raga emails to ask once again for the birth certificate. I then call his parents. He tells me he will ask for one. Later in the month, he tells me he obtained it and will send it in the next couple of days (also, he shares the sad news of our cat's death I post on Facebook and several people comment that Raga told them several days earlier than he told me, which annoys me since he was my cat too. This isn't relevant to the divorce, but is still important obviously. RIP Lumpy).
- March 2013: no news from either the lawyer nor Raga. I contact the lawyer to know if she's heard from the judge. No response. I contact another lawyer as a "backup" but decide to hold on and see if the first one gets back to me.
- April 2013: I contact my lawyer again, asking her if she has dropped the case. She assures me she hasn't. She says we should have a court date soon.
I send emails to Raga to hear back about the birth certificate, that I still haven't received. I get no response.

Which brings us to today. Finally, after a few weeks, the lawyer contacts me again. She has talked to the judge. They both believe that it will be impossible for me to divorce (ever) without his birth certificate. Considering I asked for it in my name twice, and the lawyer asked in her name once, and all three were rejected, there isn't much we can do.
I am going to contact Raga's parents again and see if there is anything they can do. If they can't, I honestly don't know what to do.

I don't consider France to be my country. I stopped talking to my parents for being controlling and trying to break me and Raga up. I may have had some contact with my father since (went to see him for a couple of days when my mother broke up with him. Two years later, went to his place for a couple of days because he was moving and about to throw away childhood stuff of mine.) but I'm not ready to have an actual relationship with my father and my mother even less. I only got into contact in the first place because my father had been dumped and I figured he needed support, and also used the opportunity to get the ring back.
My real friends and family are all over the world, but mostly in the US. A job is waiting for me in the US while I haven't been able to find one in France. I can't get full welfare in France because I'm married and it's assumed my spouse is giving me money. I can't marry my fiancÚ of several years, I can't move to the US.

My love life, my family and friends, my career, everything seems to be on hold while I'm married. And now I'm told this might be forever. I have no idea what to do. I don't know. I have no solution at all to any of it. I can't make him want to divorce. I don't understand why he doesn't want to, though. It's not like he gains anything by being married to me. It probably gets in the way of his relationships, too, since he's come out as mono a few months after we broke up, and decided he would never date a poly person again. Well, mono people are less likely to date a married man who refuses to divorce, aren't they?

I'm so frustrated. I'm trying to keep sane with my translations, but I am terrified. I'm terrified that Seamus will finally decide he's had enough, break up with me and date someone who isn't away 9 months out of the year. I'm terrified I'll lose the only thing I have left at this point.

I wish I could go back to the day I decided to marry him so he could stay in France, and tell myself "don't do it. Let him be kicked out of the country. You think he's a nice guy, but you won't get to see him for who he is for several more years. Believe me, he's not worth all the sacrifices you're going to make both by marrying him and by breaking up with him".

I just wish he could meet someone and want to marry her. Then he'd be willing to divorce, and he would be happy so he wouldn't care about the rest. If I could conjure the perfect woman for him and send her his way, I would have done it years ago.

This is so frustrating. I needed to vent. Hopefully I'll have better news next update, but honestly I should, because, there isn't much room for any news to be worse.
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