Hi guys. Thank you for reading my story and sharing your thoughts. I was happy to read them and at the same time, they also made me nervous.
On one hand, this is kind of uncomfortable for me now because now I don't feel so anonymous anymore. I guess it's easier confessing in the dark. Something unrelated (or is it), but I just remembered this incident when I was tripping on acid with some friends and I felt so uncomfortable around them I couldn't speak to anyone. So I went for a walk in the garden by myself and I spoke to the trees instead. A friend caught up with me and I was trying to explain to him how I couldn't talk to people but I could talk to the trees. He asked me what I spoke to the trees about and I just couldn't get myself to open up and tell/talk to him. So I just stood there in awkward silence for what felt like ages. I don't remember what happened after that. It makes me very uncomfortable to remember this incident. My back muscles are actually tensing up right now.
On the other hand, getting feedback on this forum is amazing. It's helped me stop seeing my self as a helpless horrible person. I'm taking responsibility and I realise that I'm not a malicious asshole, but sometimes I make some stupid horrible choices that can really hurt someone. And that I can change about myself.
To change that, I need to continue sharing this story. Because not expressing my self is how this mess started in the first place. I read a bit of this forum everyday, it's been really helpful. But I haven't written anything in days, I haven't had the time to. When I'm at home, I spend time with Nisha and we talk. It's been going really well actually. When I'm not at home, I'm at work and I have some crazy deadlines to meet so… no time there either.
Actually, I'm at work right now, it's late and I was just about to leave. I want to continue writing my experience. I will try to do some when I get home. I just wanted to drop in and say a big thank you and that I'm still around. I appreciate your feedback very much. See you soon!
@Bella - Do you really say 'DOH!' out loud? I do that sometimes!
I agree that mistakes can be the best way to learn, it just sucks when someone else has to suffer for it.
@BP - Thank you for the support. What you said about NRE has now got me thinking about it all day. I'm going to look into this Meyers Briggs you speak of, I don't think I've come across this term before or if I have, I don't remember what it is.