I can't believe it has been 4 months since I last checked in on here, time flies.. I thought I would post a little update, for those that might be interested.
As I had suspected when all of this was happening, my bf and I ended up breaking things off. Whereas before I had been sad/depressed about us breaking up, this time I was pretty much furious! I had finally broached the subject of what some of my needs were (alone time, some say in what we were doing, comunication) and it felt like a week later he came to me saying he couldn't do it anymore, not fair to me, etc. I called him a coward for once again walking away instead of talking to me and trying to work it out. I was so hurt and ANGRY!
So there was a period of non speaking, followed by his wife actually reaching out to me (saying he was worried about me and missed me but was trying to give me space, which was nice of her really). He and I began talking again, and reconnected. We agreed that we can't just be "friends", that it is just too intense. But we also agreed that we can't quit either, so we are back into some kind of relationship again... I don't really have a name for it- it's hard to label I suppose?
So long story somewhat shorter, we seem to be good. I am spending more time with them as a family- I find that I like hanging at the house watching tv and dinner better than going out with them both. It feels less like a third wheel situation that way, does that make sense? He is making more efforts as far as communicating, has been more attentive and acting more caring- I feel less taken advantage of and more loved. And I am working hard on not overreacting to minor things (daily texts will never happen, have finally let that... Well pretty much have let that go
) and trying to be more open to opportunities when I can see him, even if they are not exactly what I might want to be doing..
I read through this thread again, and reminded me of all of the useful advice that I was given, I wanted to say thanks again. I'm hopeful that things are on a better track this time, I definitely feel more secure.