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Old 04-22-2013, 09:05 PM
willowstar willowstar is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Upstate NY
Posts: 122

Thank you for all of the support and insights. So, since my posting, my husband came to me and told me that after lots of thinking and soul searching he has decided that he can and will trust me and my OSO as we explore our feelings and desire for a relationship. I was floored. He originally asked to talk in such a way that I actually thought he was going to tell me he was leaving and couldnt handle it. I think what happened was that he finally realized that this situation was something he actually needed to accept in order to stay in our marriage. And he does want to stay, and for me to stay, and so he is doing what he needs to in order to remain a family.

We talked about his boundaries around feeling safe. He said that he would not hold us back from having a sexual relationship. And the amazing thing was, that after we had this conversation, he FELT SO MUCH BETTER!! He has been in a good mood, flirty, generous with the time I am spending with my OSO (texting and in person), and just in general seems more at peace. I asked him about this curious phenomenon (tongue in cheek here...) and all he can say is that he feels like a burden has been lifted and he no longer feels as threatened about the idea of my being in a relationship with another person.

Part of me is just grateful he has been able to move to this kind of emotional place. Part of me is waiting for the other shoe to drop. I don't know what will happen once BF and I start sleeping together (He still needs to have that conversation with his spouse, and so we are waiting for everyone to be on board, which I realize may not happen at all in his mono world...).

I am still feeling very cautious about moving forward with my other love. I think the fact that we CANT just jump into bed together is a really good thing. Gives my hubby time to adjust to his new "permissiveness" and BF and I time to prepare for what being in an actual intimate relationship is all about.

Willow, still reeling from the knowledge that I may be able to have an "actual" poly relationship..... LOL
Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming... ~ Dori

Willow ~ 47yo bi poly woman, married to Bear for 20 years
Bear-59 yo maybe poly/maybe mono straight man, still feeling it out
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