Originally Posted by GalaGirl
What about "personal standard?" Because that is what it is. You (and partners) are co-creating the personal standard for the polyship you share and what rights/responsibilities you expect to uphold to selves/each other and will be holding each other accountable to.
The terms of any particular relationship are to be worked out in detail in negotiation, of course, but there are also some basic standards that apply to any relationship between two people, or any relationship of a particular type.
If I were to say that people ought to treat one another with respect, I'm not just saying how I feel, or how I want to be treated. I'm saying that all people have a reasonable expectation of being treated with respect. If others fall short of that expectation, they have done wrong.
Judgments like that are to be found in any thread on this forum, regardless of the particular details of any particular post. How many variations have you read of the following: "I don't care what s/he wants, or what you think you've agreed to, what s/he did is unethical
; no one should be treated the way s/he is treating you!"
A Charter of Reasonable Expectations would simply articulate some of the basic ethical principles or ideals that should apply across all relationships, perhaps including
the reasonable expectation that people shall 1) be able freely and without any kind of coercion, deception, or pressure to negotiate the particular terms of a particular relationship, and 2) be faithful and steadfast in abiding by those terms.
Those particular terms have to be compatible with the ethical bottom line, though: you cannot negotiate away your own dignity, for example.