I don't know if this is going to make sense or not. I sent my therapist (who I hadn't needed to see since the start of the year) a message asking to talk to her so I can get this to make sense.
Lots of little things, all add up to one big thing. Probably easiest to start at the big thing and work down.
I don't truly have anyone who loves me/cares about me except on their own time table and if it doesn't fit in to have me there they just don't. What sucks is most of this applies to my fiancee.
Whenever Woodsmith and I have the potential for time alone he either runs off to the basement to work or into the computer or television. He doesn't ever try to engage me and if I try to engage him then it's met at a brick wall.
About 90% of the time I try to talk to Woodsmith about anything he does one of three things. He either completes ignores it (well I guess that isn't right, he doesn't ever realize that I'm saying anything to him), interrupts me because he thinks he knows better than me about anything and doesn't need to hear what I say, or just throws it aside after agreeing to it.
Anytime he DOES want to be affectionate towards me or anything more intimate or passionate is when I'm being affectionate with someone else. He doesn't even want to look at me unless my attention is on someone else.
Lamian (and Primal for that matter but on a lower level) doesn't really respect my relationship with Primal. Last Wednesday (the 10th) Primal's brother had moved to town so I offered to move our day. Which worked out well because Lamian had requested to have that time with Primal since his brother had moved in. Lamian and Primal had gotten into a major fight earlier about Darkeyes and Primal's problem with Lamian putting Darkeyes to co-primary status and focusing so much time on him. Primal and I had decided on the 7th we would move our day to the 13th. On the 9th Lamian (knowing that we were talking about moving our day) decides she wants Primal to go to St. Charles with her to work on stuff at the Ren Faire site because she was already planning on spending Thursday, Friday, and Sunday with Darkeyes and there was no way that anything could be important in Primal's life other than what she wants (even though she could have gotten rid of one of her days because that meant from Wednesday she was going to be with Darkeyes all the way until Tuesday afternoon for no reason other than she wanted to). Primal did explain we already had plans and if she wanted to spend more time with him she would have to give up one of her days with Darkeyes (needless to say she didn't). On his end of things, we could be having a conversation or watching a movie and he allows Lamian to pull him away in the middle of something because she wants to talk to him.
I don't know what's keeping me here in St. Louis. I don't have anyone. I could do my type of job anywhere. I could do photography, burlesque, fire anywhere.
Woodsmith: My husband
Merry: Tig's wife/slave
N8: Merry's boyfriend/owner
Elle: N8 girlfriend
Ruby: Part of the Leather Family
Logan: Leather Sir in the Family
Arc: Logan's boy
Holly: Leather family
K: Holly's sub