Originally Posted by JustUs
I don't think my wife and I would have ever discussed having her bf move in with us, if he and I didn't get along the way we do. If he and I weren't comfortable enough with each other that we couldn't hang out together or do things on our own, we wouldn't even consider it.
... We have had the opportunity to "test the waters" as he lives 3000 miles away and when he does visit, its usually for 2 or 3 weeks at a time...
...we had set up the guest room for him and found that everyone was actually more comfortable, he had his own space if he wanted time by himself and we all sleep more comfortably. The arrangement would be that my wife and I have our room and he would have a room to himself, if we do make the move to live together.
Would love to hear others arrangements, what worked or didn't and such...
Personally, I ascribe to the position that one shouldn't move in with their lover for at least a year of LOCAL dating. Visiting a few times for a couple weeks isn't really a test of whether living together permanently is really viable.
How long has your wife been seeing this guy? How did they meet?
If he's ready to move, if it was me and/or my gf bringing in one of our bfs, making a long distance relationship "short distance," I'd prefer he got a small apartment (or room in one) for a year or so, nearby. Long distance relationships can extend NRE. Everyone might be on their best behavior and full of idealism still.
You all might be the exception to this rule, but why take the chance?
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley
Mags (poly, F, 61) loving miss pixi (poly, F, 39) since January 2009, living together since 2013
also loving Punk (42, M) since Oct 2015 (he has recently downgraded us to friends)
"Master," (mono, 34), miss pixi's Dom for 2 years