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Old 04-21-2013, 01:06 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jones View Post
. . . so many times I asked them not to have sex and they still did it so no I don't trust them and may never will trust them, I can't see anything changing . . .

why should I let him be with a woman who he caused some much pain to be with.
Well, you don't "let him" do anything - it's not about giving permission. It's about having personal integrity regarding YOUR OWN boundaries of what you will accept in your life and what you will not. You state them clearly and directly. If your partners step over those boundaries and you do nothing about it but complain and still accept it, then you are training them to do it again. As long as there are no consequences, your boundaries don't mean anything.

Furthermore, I think you are focused too much on HER. Why not just look at HIM. HE is not honorable, HE steps all over you, HE speaks to you in a way you should not tolerate, HE is the one you do not trust. Why do you stay?

LOVE IS NOT ENOUGH! Healthy relationships need more than love to be satisfying and nurturing to those involved - relationships require respect, consideration, and caring.

Quote:
Originally Posted by jones View Post
or don't I have a choice? xx
Honey, you always have a choice. Wouldn't you rather walk away with your head held high, building your self esteem, than to be cornered and ground down by the stress of being treated as less important, less appealing, less anything? You have value, now act like it!
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"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
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An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/
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