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Old 04-21-2013, 08:15 AM
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jones jones is offline
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: stoke
Posts: 125

All that sounds like he's emotionally detaching.

You want something from him he is just not willing to provide right now, and maybe not in future or at all.
that is the thing, its too early to tell, yesterday he sat by me and stroked my hair because I was sleeping and then sat by me when I woke up, he doesn't do this but it felt nice but there is a little feeling is he doing this because he wants to or because he is trying to keep me happy so when J does become single he can have her?

To me it sounds like he does know. Maybe you aren't ready to hear?

It is hard to tell just reading.... you are there and live it. But it sounds like perhaps you could believe him when he says he loves her more, and behaves like he rather be with her.
I think maybe he does but doesn't want to tell me the truth, all I have got from him is:

he loves us both the same ( so its changed now)

he gets jealous when J sees someone else but its them and not him and I live with him so I am always with him.

I know he thinks that if he got with her when we broke up or when he was in uni with her ( he didn't know her then) he may not have got back together with me.

It's hard to take and digest. I know you have to finish going through the grieving process to arrive at the "acceptance" stage of it. It's easy for forum people to see it without the emotional ties than for the actual people in the situation. But it sounds like he's broadcasting pretty clear. Just too wishwashy to say it out right -- "I want to break up with you."

This dangling along thing sucks.
I am so torn... yes he has said some shit things but I still love him but its like he has settled for me, he is here but only because he has to be. a few weeks ago he said:

''I am only here because I have no other choice''

he said he said it to hurt me and he didn't mean it.

we need to talk, I want to know how he really feels if he is happy being here.

I am so sorry you are going through this. It sounds like you could be in "bargaining stage" to me in the stages of grief. You said ok to him seeing her with no sex... hoping maybe that he'd give you loving/kindness in return because he gets some of what he'd like? But you are getting nothing here.

On the other hand, it is further along than "shock/denial" in the process so... you kinda are making progress? In yourself at least? That at least is something right?

Hang in there. You aren't suffering alone out there. People see you.
thanks gg I didn't see it like that, I know G and J, so many times I asked them not to have sex and they still did it so no I don't trust them and may never will trust them, I can't see anything changing, if he got back together with her, they would still act selfish. why should I let him be with a woman who he caused some much pain to be with.

or don't I have a choice? xx
in a relationship with A, open to women only.
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