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Old 04-21-2013, 01:49 AM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 3,155
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I am confused. This bit...

Quote:
He definitely seems like someone who will put in the work to modify his behavior or style of doing things so that the relationship has the best possible chance. So far, I trust him to put the work in.
does not seem to jive with this from your other thread.

Quote:
But this is a guy whom I could see breaking a rule to passively-aggressively make me break up with him. And I'm not having that shit.
A guy who will break rules to foment a break up scene is NOT doing the work to modify his behavior so the rship has the best possible chance.

You do not sound solid on trust building with him here yet.

Could talk about how you like to be broken up with if it has to come to that for whatever reason.

Could tell him your expectation of

"I expect my dating partner will will put in the work to modify his behavior or style of doing things so that the relationship has the best possible chance."
and ask if he agrees to uphold that agreement or not before agreeing to further relationship.

Proceed with caution if you decide to polydate with this dude. Shoot, even you choosing to mono-date with this dude I'd suggest proceeding with caution.

It is good you value communication, but could lay it out there crystal clear... Your standard for "I expect to be treated like THIS in a dating relationship. Can you agree to treat me this way or not?" Even if when you ask "How do you want me to treat YOU?" is currently out to jury because he's not thought things out for himself. Do GET that information from him when he's done thinking but in the meanwhile get your OWN things out there.

Do not assume he knows what these things are to you: hard work, honesty, and communication, respect. Define them. HOW your dating partner would demonstrate these things to you? Esp since he sounds so... newbie at best? Your 100% is still only 50% of the fuel for the relationship between you and him for it to fly right.

He sounds wishy washy to me but I'll give benefit of the doubt, assume positive intent and just say "newbie" instead. What I perceive in reading could be wrong. Just proceed with caution here since you seem to have some stuff in there that could be sorted out first. Could both talk and sort it.

You actually live your reality -- you'd know best what you have at hand here.

Could calibrate here with him before trying to build a deeper dating relationship so you are on the same page going in with what you expect of each other.

You seem like you are trying to get a handle on that.

GL!
Galagirl

Last edited by GalaGirl; 04-21-2013 at 02:02 AM.
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