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Old 04-21-2013, 01:11 AM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2012
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Quote:
So how do you deal with something like this in a poly situation where communication is so important?
Other than just not date a poly newbie like this? Who assumes things? Has no plan? Doesn't think things out? Assumes negative intent and gets mad when I ask for clarify?

SLOW IT WAY DOWN.

I let it unfold as it will. With me or with others he dates so I can see how that operates on the communication front. For me? Sex share is slow too.

THEN I ASK and REFLECT BACK when I think things are missing in the conversation.

"When you say ____, do you mean ____?"

"I am not hearing you actually asking me anything or making a request. Am I just a listening ear here? What's your expectation of me?"
I CALL HIM ON HIS CONDUCT.
"You face is _____ and your tone is _____. You seem mad at me when I ask for more information so I can understand where you are coming from. Are you mad?"
And take I TAKE NOTE.

If he's always doing this and not learning to communicate more assertively to make his needs known?

I would walk away because for my own personal standard? I value things like "responsiveness" and I value "forthright" and I value "not having to mind reader people." I don't want to be doing all the emotional work and heavy lifting in the relationship. I don't want to date emotional weenies. It's tiresome.

There's being patient on the "just started dating" learning curve and having to learn the new person. Taking the measure of the dating partner.

But when they show me who they are? And they don't meet my standard? I believe it. I break up. Be friends or be not friends... that remains to be seen. But def be not dating a person who is this much work and not naturally compatible with my own personality/style. Not worth it to me.

I don't know if that POV helps you any.

GL!
Galagirl

Last edited by GalaGirl; 04-21-2013 at 01:38 AM.
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