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Old 04-20-2013, 09:51 PM
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Vixtoria Vixtoria is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 306

I get being hyper aware. I have joked with DH about it myself. I grew up being responsible, overly so. My mother wasn't, I was. For everyone, for everything and the smallest change in her tone could mean the difference between tears and pain. I've had to learn that being hyper aware isnt' always a good thing! It means that a lot of times I am assuming that all the little details that I am noticing that I think no one else is, aren't what I think they are!

I've learned, am still working on, is asking for clarification. Just little things, like instead of thinking, 'crap he's pissed' about something I have to ask, 'it seems to me you are really upset. is there anything I can do?' Being hyper aware as a survival technique works, when you are in a crisis situation. Not so much otherwise. So the advice I offer is the same for everyone. Communicate communicate, communicate! Dont' assume anything, dont' think that you know anything just because you notice the small changes others take for granted. Ask, because it's actually not what you think most of the time and that conversation in your head you prepared for? That you played out several ways? Not actually going to happen that way.

Not that you will stop, it's been years, decades, and I still do it! Go over the conversations in my head, the situation, what will happen, even get worked up and teary sometimes thinking I know how it will happen. It's hard, finding the balance. When you've ended up the doormat for so long when you are trying to be nice, to being strong, being assertive but NOT aggressive. It's like a pendulum. You've swung in one direction for so long, trying to change that direction you end up going the other way, but too far. Settling in that middle ground will take time, be honest and communicate often and you can find it!
Me: 40 pansexual poly.
DH: My husband of 21 yrs and father of 3 teen girls.
DC: LDR of +9 years/former
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