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Old 04-20-2013, 08:57 PM
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Vixtoria Vixtoria is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 306

I totally understand the whole limbo thing, it's scary! I honestly don't think that's why you've been getting the reactions you've been getting. I know you've said you are very self aware but no one is so self aware that they know how they are perceived by others all the time.

From my POV, your posts read as someone that is curious about this, as it may become relevant in your life, but flat out scared. Everything reads as being scared of being hurt. Granted, that's totally valid, no one really wants to be hurt in a relationship! The problem arises in how you express that fear. I've seen others make these comments to people putting up profiles on dating sites, I've even told some rather affronted people on OKC the same thing. If all you put out is the negativity, it's not only a turn off but will bring nothing but negativity.

What you might have gotten reactions to on here are those negative feelings and fears that are laced throughout your posts. For example:

If he called you by the wrong name your first reaction is a punch to the face. WHA?? First, let's flip genders, if a man said he would punch a woman in the face for calling him the wrong name he'd immediately be called out as abusive. Secondly, it calls to a gut reaction of fear. You don't want to be hurt so something as small as the wrong name would hurt you so much you'd want to punch someone.

You expressed that if he was having a hard time with another relationship you wouldn't want that ti infringe on YOUR time. That he'd have to deal with it on his own. Again that speaks to fear. It's not really any different than having a bad day at work, or a fight with a friend. Yet there's this fear there so that you don't want to deal with it, at all. I dont' know about you but I can't see compartmentalizing my life to the point of not thinking about or being emotionally compromised by anything at all BUT the person I am with.

I just think, that poly or not, casual, building, new, old, whatever kind of relationship this might turn out to be,(and really you both need to steer that ship together), YOU need to work on figuring out this fear and how to take hold of it because just putting out there all these things that 'better not happen' because you are afraid of them or being hurt by them isn't going to get anyone anywhere.
Me: 40 pansexual poly.
DH: My husband of 21 yrs and father of 3 teen girls.
DC: LDR of +9 years/former
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