Originally Posted by Magdlyn
It seems to me sooooo many people, either gender, let their genitals do the thinking when it comes to attempting poly. They see an attractive person, get turned on, and bam! "I must fuck this person!"
It is getting to the point where I, personally, get almost grossed out when I read about people with 3 or more lovers. Maybe it's me. I get polysaturated easily. I've also had a solid 4+ years actively practicing polyamory. Plus a year or so attempting to do it with my ex husband back in 1999 and 2000, with aftershocks from that attempt lasting nearly a decade.
I recommend to poly people, stop thinking with your dicks! your clits! When you take on a new partner, you're not just getting laid, you're taking on their whole person, likes, dislikes, family history, past traumas that affect how they respond emotionally, etc etc.
If you just want to fuck around, say so. If you're poly and having issues with one or the other of your partners, you better be a damn good communicator. Or there will be blood, metaphorically speaking.
Ha! I totally agree. This guy isn't like that at all. If he was, I would have no interest in him. He's interested in the connection, as am I. But he never dated around when he was younger, like most people do and he still seems to have that curiosity about what other people are like. He also isn't sure what he's looking for in a mate. I had both of those down before I was 30.
So he wants to explore different people in an emotional sense but there has to be a good, sustaining connection or he will not be interested. He also finds it difficult to ask a woman out when there is no context. So, just going up to a woman in a bar and asking her out because he thinks she's attractive is out of the question. He has no connection with her. So, knowing all the things about him, his requirements and limitations, I'm wondering how easy or difficult it might be for him to find women to fit these roles. I think if he were just looking for sex, it would be a lot easier for him.
So, can someone give me an idea of how easy or hard it might be for him to find other women interested in this specific situation? I'm just kind of curious and it also might help give me an expectation on how long we might have to do this alone before someone else is added to the mix.
Btw, I just had a conversation with him and told him that if I was going to enter into this with him, I needed to know that he was fully educated about this lifestyle and I needed him to really think about what he wanted and how he was going to deal with different situations. The feeling I had gotten from him thus far was one of, "Oh, well this sounds fun, how about I try it out?", with really no thought given to the reality and specifics of the situation. Needless to say, that did not instill a lot of trust in me.
He said he would educate himself and figure out what he wanted. I told him that, at present time, very safe sex practices were the most important things to me. Everything after that was negotiable. I understand that flexibility is called for in these situations but I like to be as prepared as possible as to limit the danger of things turning into a gigantic mess. It just seems stupid to do it blind. We're not 17 anymore.
I'm hoping this will drastically decrease my stress level. I've been maxed out for the past 2 days. Not necessarily because of the subject matter but because I've been in limbo. I freaking hate limbo! I like to have decisions made and basic guidelines for moving forward. I need some structure or I feel completely lost. I'm hoping now that the ball is kind of back in his court that I can relax while he's figuring stuff out. Sigh.
Am I being fair or am I asking too much?
I would love to hear from some other monos who have been in a similar situation.....