Thread: Wide Awake
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Old 04-20-2013, 04:04 PM
FullofLove1052 FullofLove1052 is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: English Rose by birth; Calling the Southern Hemi home by choice.
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In talking to Si, I discovered something. and I need to get those thoughts out. A piece of it is Si was jealous of Matt.

I had surgery on 29 April 2012, and Matt took four weeks of holiday time to be with me during the recovery period. I was discharged on the morning of 6 May, and I was immediately placed on modified bed rest. I had strict orders. I was grateful that Matt was there with me to keep me in shape and to stop me from breaking them. Could we have hired a nurse immediately? Sure, but I was happy that he was there. Admittedly, I was closer to him during the postop period. We bonded over the life we had created, and we lived together. Si was at work, and I saw her when she got off and such. I probably could not have done much to help with her jealousy then, but it did give me the chance to think. I can see how she would have felt jealous. Matt was there comforting me, keeping me company, talking to our son, and helping me out. We could not be intimate, but we established intimacy in many different ways. That was the closest we have ever been. I found new reasons to fall in love with him.

To give you an idea of how strict it was. I remember the first few days of the postoperative period were horrible. I had to stay in the hospital seven days. I was only allowed to have clear fluids. I was hooked to IVs. I was on oxygen because I was supposed to cough everything up after being placed under anaesthesia for the surgery. It was uncomfortable every time I coughed. In addition to all of that, I was on a fetal monitor, urinary cath, and epidural cath for pain management. I could not get out of the bed, shower, or lay on my back. It was rough during the postop/recovery period in the hospital.

Once I got home, I was not able to lift more than x amount. I could only do light activities. I was only allowed out of the bed for 15 minutes per hour. Sex was not allowed. I had to have 2-3 weekly ultrasounds. Due to the surgery for my baby's CCAMs, I am now required to have C-sections for any children I have. I was told that I might be able to make it full term. Some mums do. I was on medicines to prevent preterm labour. I made it to 34 weeks. The original goal was to get me to at least 37, but my son had other plans. Fortunately, he is healthy now and has no problems. It was a tough decision to have surgery, but it saved his life. Any pain I was in has been forgotten now.

My relationship with Si probably did suffer. My first priority was my son and his safety. A shift did occur after I delivered him. She was around much more, definitely more involved in our lives, and I could definitely sense that she wanted more of my time and attention. That was another point of it rubbing Matt wrong. I remember him coming to me in August or so. Yes, he and Si were building a friendship and ultimately a romantic relationship, but I think her constant presence was bothering him. It reminded me of not being away from someone long enough to miss them because they were always there or close. I know Matt addressed his concerns with Si. He did see less of her. He explained that we needed bonding time with the baby, and she understood how important the first few weeks and months were. We became more comfortable with being second-time around parents with a preschooler in the home. They started spending more time one-on-one romantic time together after we took a holiday to Walt Disney World. By that point, our son was five months old, and we had a handle on everything. They became official in early December. We know how the rest of the story goes. She did not stay away, but she was around more and more. With every day she was around, he grew more and more aggravated. He asked her to call before dropping in. She did not comply. She admitted that she tuned out what he wanted and asked for. By the end of January, I believe Matt knew the relationship would not work. He explained it in counselling. He tried to push aside the feelings of guilt, but he could not shake them. By the end of February, he knew with certainty that polyamoury was not for him and no amount of time was going to make him be more comfortable with the idea. He had accepted that he would never love Si and that he needed to end it. He wanted to end it face to face, but conflicting schedules and travelling interfered. By March, the relationship had to end, and it did in the first week of March.

I am trying to figure out if I could done anything different. During my recovery period, should I have spent more time at her home or more time with her in general? I was depressed, and I had a hard time. I was worried about my baby because there were still risks. The worst case scenario was him dying or only living a few months. I gravitated towards Matt. He made me feel safe and secure. He was a massive piece of my daily support during the whole ordeal. He kept my spirits up because he would not allow me to be down. I cannot tell you how many nights he held me while I cried and listened to me when I opened up about my fears and worries.

I do hope it did not come off as me showing favouritism. I know that I was still in a relationship with both and that things had to go on, but if I had given her more attention during that period, would things have turned out differently? Would she have still felt the need to be around so much after he was born? I have a lot of questions, and I guess I will never know the answers. She was jealous of the time he spent with me from April on. I did not ask Matt to take an extended holiday from work to be there with me. He did it of his own accord. I knew she had a household to maintain, so I never expected her to take a leave of absence to be at my beck and call. It does make me wonder if there was anything else she was jealous of. I suppose I should ask.


Ry

Last edited by FullofLove1052; 04-20-2013 at 04:13 PM.
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