Well, that's part of the problem....he has no idea! Really the only exposure he's had to this is he has some guy friends in open relationships and they seem happy. (Mind you, he's never talked to the women in these relationships to see how they feel about it.) That, and he's just had a desire to date other women when he's been in a monogamous relationship. He has not researched it, he has not explored it, he basically has no idea what he's doing. He just feels like what he's done in the past hasn't been completely satisfying, so why not try something different and unconventional? I've actually seen other guys go through this process. They weren't happy in old relationships and somehow came to the conclusion that they weren't cut out for monogamy. (Huh?) That seems like a strange conclusion to come to, for me. Anyway. All of these guys have since gotten remarried or are in long term mono relationships. And it didn't take long for them to leave poly dating behind. You know what happened? They found one person that met their needs. They didn't think that existed before. And maybe for some people it doesn't. But my gut is telling me this is what J is going through. Also, he never got to get just dating out of his system. He went from one serious relationship to the next. He was also a late bloomer and it takes him a looong time to figure things out. Think Leonard from Big Bang Theory.
So part of me wants to hit him with the reality of how much a responsibility this is because I don't think he's thought this through. He's already up to his eyeballs in responsibility and he wants to add more?? The math does not work on that one.
In the end, he's looking to be accepted and understood. Aren't we all? When he finds that, I think he will be at peace.