Thread: Wide Awake
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Old 04-19-2013, 04:55 PM
FullofLove1052 FullofLove1052 is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: English Rose by birth; Calling the Southern Hemi home by choice.
Posts: 915

Good afternoon. I am home at last. I worked from 10-5, so that is more than enough time. It is Friday, and I wish I would work a full day. *hair flip* I am in too good of a mood to be locked in at work for hours and hours. It was relatively quiet today, and I am not on call this weekend, so I can sleep in, lounge in PJs, and spend time with my children.

Where to begin? I guess I will start with last night. I need nights like that every night. Since this is a new beginning, it could be described as Christening. We have not made love since the beginning of March, and I was missing it. We were at odds, and I am not one of those people who gets turned on and heated by arguing. It does the opposite. Do not get me wrong. Angry sex can be titillating and passionate. Those carnal kisses, hair pulling, back scratching, pillow biting, breaking things, pushing things off the desk/furniture, etc. can all conspire to a hell of a night. That is not what I wanted. I wanted passion, tenderness, and love. I think I wanted Matt so much because he was that person I could not have. It drove me batty. My Aussie Adonis was the one I was yearning for, but he was playing hard to get. Everything around us has settled down and is beginning to take shape, so it was to be expected that I would miss the physical connection right about now.

It was a great night. I feel closer to him, and that is not the post-orgasmic bliss speaking. I am still ascending from that high, but I am thinking clearly. Intimacy and lovemaking serve several purposes in the process of healing from damage or loss of trust. We addressed a few of those reasons during our session yesterday. It is a way to heal, reconcile, connect on a level beyond words, etc. I view it like a physical love letter, too. Yes, I can say, "I love you. I need you. I want you. I desire you." Yet, there is still nothing like showing the person you love. Before, during, and after, I felt like the sexiest woman alive, so it was a major confidence boost and even a self-esteem boost. I still have some of the curves from my last pregnancy, and I am self-conscious about showing certain parts of my body. It was comforting to know that he still thinks I am sexy.

This morning was equally beautiful. I enjoyed our shower and our breakfast for two at a local eatery. It is amazing how much I took for granted. The little moments are proving to be everything and then some. Even if I do decide to try polyamoury again, I want to make sure to keep these things in effect and a constant part of our lives. After our breakfast date, we picked up our children. I had morning tea with my mum, and she was looking at me with a very cheeky grin on her face. I had to ask her what the deal was? All she said was, "It is written all over your face, my dear." I do have this certain glow about me today. I cannot stop smiling, so it is obvious that I am a freakishly good mood.

The drive back to London was far from dull. Our daughter told us all about her time with her grandparents. They have always been part of her life, but just recently, it clicked like, "I have grandparents." She beams with pride when talking about them. I love my little duckies. When I became a mother, I knew it would be my greatest accomplishment, and it is the one thing that consistently brings me joy and endless pride.

We got home around 9, and we had to be at work for 10. We ended up watching "Good Luck Charlie" with our children before we left. I am all for family time, and that is a cute little show. I hated to leave them, but our nanny had a fun day planned for them. They came in after me.

Speaking of Si, we met up for lunch at Nobu. It was really nice to see her, We talked for the entire hour we were there. I used some of the communication techniques that I learned in counselling during our lunch, and she was definitely more at ease. We spent most of the time catching up. I missed having her in my life. Though there were times where we did not talk every single day, her presence was still missing. I am glad that we are talking now and on better terms. There is definitely a level of deeper understanding behind our actions. I look forward to strengthening our friendship.

I will be seeing her tonight and this weekend. She just picked up my daughter to take her to ballet practise. I think she said they are going to get manicures, indulge in a little retail therapy, and get dinner. Surprisingly, Matt gave the green light. I like that they are getting along for the sake of our children. It is a start.

So, yes. The first half of the day has been exciting, productive, and just plain awesome. I am about to go play with my son. I love to make him laugh. It tickles me. He is such a happy baby. My baby is almost 1. We need to start planning his first birthday party. Matt should be home soon, and I missed him today. I look forward to hearing about his day. We are going grocery shopping and cooking dinner together. This should be hilarious. Wish him good luck. I plan on sitting on the counter and drinking a glass of a wine while he cooks.

Here is to a laid back evening with my son and my hubby.

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