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Old 01-13-2010, 08:12 PM
Hoseki Hoseki is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 3
Default Wondering How To Go About This

Before getting into any sort of sexual relationship, I had already made up in my mind that I do not want to get married or make any commitments that I wouldn't be able to hold on to. I am an independent person and marriage-like commitments aren't going to happen any time soon because of this. I have accepted this about myself. My thoughts are that committing to just one makes people miss out on all the others that I need to meet.

I met someone that I enjoy being with about 6 months ago. From the beginning, I told him that I wasn't looking for labels or the like. I wanted to explore a relationship without all the drama. We also talked about pursuing other people as well. The thing was, if we were to like some a lot, that we would share that with each other.

6 months in and he calls me crying. He tells me that he met someone 3 months ago, but was fighting with telling me because he didn't want to hurt me. He told me he cares about both of us equally and doesn't want to dish either one. He told her as well and she was like "well, I knew but was wondering why you didn't tell me." He told me and i feel the same way.

I am upset that he didn't tell me. He says he was completely in the wrong and has apologized. He pointed no fingers at anyone else.
Now I'm really facing all this now. Feelings that I didn't really know were there. We enjoy being together but I am upset that he didn't tell us sooner. On the other hand I am glad he didn't wait any longer or just drop off one of us. This is all new to me, despite the fact that I do want an open relationship. I have no idea really how to go about this. He sounds freaked out and worried that I'm going ot drop him. I'm worried that I could be making a mistake because it's not the social norm. I grew up religious so despite all the washing out I've been doing, that monogamous stuff comes up all the time telling me I'm wrong.
I've been reading a lot about open relationships. It says you need to be able to trust the people involved, find out and admit your jealous feelings, and communicate like no tomorrow.

I am really scared right now because I don't want to sound like I'm a person who is panning for a bad relationship because she's lonely. I stayed a virgin for 26 years because I was waiting for my maturity to grow and to find someone I actually wanted to be with. So, I don't see myself as so needy that I can't see straight. But I do need some insight. I don't want to make a bad choice just because I"m afraid to step out. Any help?
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