I think you're very right about discussions being needed around commitment.
I can't think that anybody has ever accused me of not being able to be committed but it isn't a word that comes up very often in my world.
My own take on it is that many people consider commitment to be a life long thing that applies no matter what changes happen in their life or in the life of their partner. I know people who do live by that - who stay with partners who break agreements regarding sex, agreements regarding money, partners who are alcoholics or drug addicts or who gamble too much. I know women who have to try and get their husband's wages from them every week to buy food with before the money disappears into the till of the local pub.
That's commitment to lots of people.
I'm happy to be described as uncommitted if that's what commitment means.
To me, life long promises are not possible. Nobody knows what will happen to them or how they will be. Head injuries can drastically alter people's emotions and personalities. Relatively common illnesses like dementia can do the same thing.
None of us know the future and I think that the best we can say is that we will do our best. That the relationship is important and that if it needs to change, we will do our best to support each other through the change.
Sometimes the best thing is to go your separate ways and to support each other in doing so - I think it would be easier to do that if people didn't make promises they can't keep in the first place.
Originally Posted by KerrBear
From what I have seen, some mono people don't know what commitment really means because they are confusing commitment to sex. You cannot have a commitment without having strict rules to sex. If the rules of sex are not followed accordingly, than commitment fails and marriage is no longer savable.
This statement isn't a statement about mono people. It's a statement about lots and lots of people.
If you read these boards, there are loads of poly folk who have incredibly strict rules about sex and sometimes the breaking of those rules can start the end of the relationship. There are people here who have sex with others only when their partner is present or who only have sex outside their marriage with people of the same gender or who only perform certain sex acts with certain people. There are tons of people who have strict rules about safer sex too.
Swingers seem to have rules too - it seems that sex for many is absolutely okay but emotional involvement with others isn't.
Having agreements regarding sex isn't something that just happens to mono people. Swingers and poly folks seem to love them too.