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Old 04-19-2013, 03:46 AM
Eponine Eponine is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: New Mexico
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Quote:
Originally Posted by WhatHappened View Post
I don't see most of that as commitment. Good things, but not commitment, because I'm honest, supportive, loving, and respectful to all my friends. I'm invested in those relationships. I hope I'm honest and respectful even to strangers. Honesty is vitally important, but it's not commitment.
I think honesty and respect are part of commitment, but not all. I also think you can have different kinds of commitment, including commitment to your friends.

To me, "committed" is the opposite of "casual", but not the same thing as "exclusive" at all. Commitment means we wish the relationship to last as long as it can, and we should work together to solve any problems in the relationship. It's not something we can (or should) walk away from easily, but it's not the "till death do us part" kind of deal either. We should try to keep it working, but if somehow it's not rewarding to us anymore, it should end.

I've done quite a bit of research on commitment in mono vs. non-mono/poly relationships. One difference between them is mono people tend to see commitment as final and permanent, a lifetime bond, a guaranteed future together, while non-mono people tend to see commitment as a free choice and are more aware of the fluid nature of relationships.

Elaine Cook's thesis "Commitment in Polyamorous Relationships" is also a good read.
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Heteroromantic asexual female, sex-positive, childfree, relationship anarchist.
Married to G, and in a partially non-romantic, completely non-sexual and long-distance triad with A and L.

Last edited by Eponine; 04-19-2013 at 03:52 AM.
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