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Old 04-19-2013, 03:12 AM
KerrBear KerrBear is offline
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 60

Originally Posted by Octopus View Post

Why do people fail to understand how commitment can go beyond an exclusive relationship? How can I better explain that one can indeed be committed to one's partners while having relationships with others?
When we became swingers, I was approached many, many times with the idea that I rather did not love my husband or that we did not have a "real" marriage because we shared our bed with others. It happened a lot, actually because there was a time I was really proud of being a swinger and still having a good, working marriage with my husband.

I came to the conclusion that most Americans believe that sex defines a marriage. Exclusive sex means marriage. They base their entire relationship off from sex. How much sex. What kind of sex. How many sexual partners before getting married. Quality of sex. Ect, Ect.

We're talking about a culture where many people (women in particular) feel that watching porn is a form of cheating.

To me, it blows my mind how many people would throw away everything in their lives, no matter how happy their marriage is otherwise, because their partner cheats on them. This is proof that there are too many people who define sex as their marriage. It is THE thing that they base it off from. If the sex is not right, then the marriage is not valid or viable.

From what I have seen, some mono people don't know what commitment really means because they are confusing commitment to sex. You cannot have a commitment without having strict rules to sex. If the rules of sex are not followed accordingly, than commitment fails and marriage is no longer savable.

I honestly find this sad and is one of the main reasons why marriages fail so easily in today's world.
Me: 30. New to Poly but previous swinger for roughly 4 years. Married since 2008 but together since 2007.

Husband: Mid 30's. Swinger.

Boyfriend is a Muslim and we're in a LDR since July of 2014.

Last edited by KerrBear; 04-19-2013 at 03:17 AM.
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