Theoretical vs reality
I (we) are wondering how various people - primary pairs (or more) feel about including others in their lives when that other person has their own primary relationship in which they don't/can't share that fact.
In general this is considered "cheating" - the "dirty little secret" people often refer to etc.
In theory we'd consider this bad behavior but we don't live in a theoretical world. In reality things are seldom so cut & dry.
By example, over the years we have had several long term relationships with others (M or F) in which their SO had no knowledge of us. It was a warm, loving & genuine relationship and we all benefited from it, as it supplied things that were desirable to all of us that weren't available otherwise. Although sex played some role in this, it was really as much about shared interests & passions about the world around us that was a big part of the bond.
We've always struggled with this from an ethical perspective but yet there's pieces of all of us that acknowledge that these connections were real and important and that in reality (as long as it stayed under the radar) it was highly beneficial to everyone. The 3rd party was happier & more fulfilled and therefore their home life was actually better that it was prior, when there was stress from lack of fulfillment etc.
So it's a bit of a conundrum.
We acknowledge the risk and dig pretty deep first to learn the reality of the other person's situation, but in the end we fall back to the belief that all people (individuals) should have freedom in how they live their lives and where they source their happiness and fulfillment from.
Have others here experienced such relationships and how does it sit with you ?
Last edited by River; 01-13-2010 at 07:43 PM.