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Old 04-18-2013, 08:30 PM
JaneQSmythe JaneQSmythe is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Pennsyl-tucky
Posts: 1,365
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Hello and Welcome!

Quote:
Originally Posted by ThatLChap View Post
... started looking at whether being polyamorous would be something I'd want to explore, which ended up as us deciding to focus on what was now a vee, instead of introducing more people and complicating things (though I may still want to explore that in future).
I think this is a great idea. I read a poly post somewhere that suggested instituting a "waiting period" for adding new people to a poly configuration (6 mos, a year, whatever works for the people involved). Each person added adds a level of change and stress to the relationship(s) already in existence (directly or indirectly). Let the dynamic reach a stable integration, let the NRE play out BEFORE adding new tensions to the mix. It's not a race - this is your life.

Quote:
Originally Posted by ThatLChap View Post
Lilla and I disagreed a couple of times about these boundaries, but she did stick to them, even if she thought I was being an idiot (I was).
I actually really, really liked this and think that it speaks well of her respect for your relationship with her. Sometimes people have temporary boundaries/requests that need to be respected until other stuff is worked out - even if it seems silly in retrospect.

In our case, there was a period of a few months where MrS wanted to be informed if Dude and I were going to be having sex. We all live together and he wanted to be able to avoid that area of the house, or "brace" himself if he might encounter sexual activity - he didn't want to be surprised. Dude was a little disgruntled at times, thought it spoiled the "mood" - things would be progressing nicely and I would pop up to go let MrS know that we would be utilizing the (library, bedroom, garage, back yard, whatever) for a bit. Once MrS was more secure/comfortable this request was officially rescinded. It was what he needed at the time...now he doesn't need it anymore.

Thank you for sharing your story with us.

JaneQ

PS. Let me add my name to the list of people who think that you are "doing it right" - this from someone whose MFM Vee started out on the "wrong" foot. We stopped, regrouped, healed and tried again - doing it "right" this time.
__________________
Me: poly bi female, in an "open-but-not-looking" Vee-plus with -
MrS: hetero polyflexible male, live-in husband (23+ yrs)
Dude: hetero poly male, live-in boyfriend (4+ yrs) and MrS's best friend
Lotus: poly bi married female, "it's complicated" relationships with Dude/JaneQ/MrS (1+ years)
+ "others" = FBs, FWBs, lover-friends, platonic G/BFs, boytoys, etc.


My poly blogs here:
The Journey of JaneQSmythe
The Notebook of JaneQSmythe
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