04-18-2013, 05:14 AM
Join Date: Apr 2013
- Do you think your repulsion to her other relationships has to do with some cultural and familial beliefs that were drilled into you at an early age about what relationships are supposed to look like?
No, I have nothing wrong with any of the sexual lifestyles in the world, I am extremely open minded.
- And/or about what marriage is supposed to look like?
It hurts me that she is enough to fill my world, but I am not enough to fill hers.
- Do you feel like your masculinity or manhood is threatened if your wife is with someone else?
- Do you, somewhere in your thoughts and beliefs, view her as "belonging to" you? In other words, is this about possessiveness and a sense that she is being "taken away" from you when she is with someone else?
No, maybe in the sense that I have to share my time (I work a lot and crazy hours) with another person that I want to be spending with her.
- Do you ever experience feelings of being inadequate when you think of her with other people?
- Do you have underlying issues/prejudices with same-sex relationships?
- Does she make time and effort to be fully with you, have romantic dates with you, and give you what you need from her while balancing her other relationships, or is she caught up in NRE (New Relationship Energy) and ignoring you to some degree?
No, we are sexual and loving , more so when in another relationship though, which is disheartening.
- Do you ask for what you need?
Don't understand this question.
- Do you view sex as more threatening than emotional involvement? Or visa-versa? If one is okay with you but the other is not, keep asking yourself what your logic behind that is.
I think both bothers me equally, but the sex is the one that makes it real.
- Did you and your wife set up boundaries to help each of you manage this, or did you both just throw yourselves into it willy-nilly, winging it (with you possibly feeling like you have to go along or be more permissive than you wish) without discussing clearly any areas that make you uncomfortable? If not, then start negotiating.
We have boundaries. Very reasonable too.
- Did you acquiesce and go along with allowing a poly arrangement when you really didn't want to, and now you are dealing with the fallout, ie., feeling victimized or coerced, or mad at yourself for not speaking up or betraying yourself?
- Do you have enough other things in your life (hobbies, friends, activities, passions) that satisfy you or do you make her the center of your world?
I am a gamer, but she hates that I do it and tries to control it. I have lots of friends and keep myself easily entertained.
Last edited by SSmith; 04-18-2013 at 05:16 AM.