Originally Posted by BoringGuy
You think you looooooove someone, but what you looooooove is this idealized version of them that you have created in your mind and are trying to get them to live up to in real life. Does not work; but don't take my word for it. You will learn these things for yourself sooner or later.
I second that. It's especially dangerous when the person changes a little bit and moves ever so slightly towards "your" goal for them, because it gives you hope that they're going to make this complete transformation eventually and they just need more time...more time...more time.
The reality is, people have to want to change themselves, and they have to want it for the right reasons. She might be checking her behaviour, but what are her motivations? Does she genuinely want to be in a triad, or does she just want a dyad with your boyfriend and you out of the picture? Maybe she's just making these changes so that the bf doesn't kick her out, and biding her time until you and bf fall apart.
Originally Posted by anya1991
if that isnt enough for her then idk what is it that she wants because she gets our attention and love and i think that speaks for itself but, like i said, if all else fails a v should be started and if that doesnt work then i guess being single is the solution
You honestly don't know what she wants? I do, and I think you do too.
She wants your boyfriend all to herself. She's not the sharing type. She doesn't want your attention and love, she wants his. More than that, she wants your attention and love to be directed at some other person that isn't her boyfriend.
From what you've said, it's clear that you know she isn't into this arrangement. Why she's staying with it is anyone's guess. I suspect it's just because she doesn't want to lose the boyfriend, and this is the price of admission.
Why do you keep telling yourself that it's "working" just because she isn't blowing up anymore? Is she treating you the way you need to be treated in a relationship? Is she showing YOU attention and love? Are you satisfied making your romantic life all about her?