Originally Posted by Icewraithonyx
I agree with SSmith and I'm also a mono husband to a poly wife. This is not "I'm ok with polyamory" behavior, this is extremely upset behavior.
Counseling would be a good idea, communication is an absolute must right now! If things are too intense for face to face, maybe writing letters? Wife and I had to do that at times to give ourselves time to cool down and not just lash out back and forth.
Nothing has ever been too intense for us to talk face to face. We rarely ever fight and when we do, it's usually never screaming and stomping around. We mostly just sit down and talk about things. The problem is, my husband sometimes beats around the bush what is okay and what is not. He says it's okay to do one thing and then acts like he was never okay with it to begin with. It's very confusing. . .
We all three have sat down and talked about things but husband continues to be upset.
Also, my husband is not mono. (He reads my posts and agrees that he is not mono and doesn't want that for our marriage). We are swingers and became swingers when I caught him in bed with another woman a year after we were married. Even before we were married, he has expressed wanting a more open marriage. Now that I've embraced it, he's feeling the backlash of it.
It's probably a pretty sucky feeling. Probably pretty similar to what I was feeling when I caught him and had to change my way of thinking so that I could keep my marriage and my mind. I had to learn to be in an open marriage. Now the tables have turned a bit and things have changed. Now he (and granted all three of us) have to learn how to be in a poly relationship. My husband is just much more vocal about his changing than I was. . .