Here is some background information on what is going on.
I initially made the rule of no phone calls because he had been talking to a girl he had just had a casual encounter with and I liked reading the text messages. They were hot to read and it was a game for us.
I found out he was calling her and I wanted to know what they were talking about. At first, he didn't really like that rule because he liked talking to her and thought it was a silly rule. It was never really enforced because they just stopped texting and talking soon after. Not because of me, but mostly because my husband isn't a big texter and I don't think the two of them clicked much outside of sex.
Fast forward and I wanted to talk on the phone well after we had been texting for weeks and even after we had physically met for the first time and were together. My husband didn't like that I was actually physically talking to him because it took the thrill of reading the text messages away.
Now I realized why he wanted to chat on the phone but even then, mine was different because my boyfriend isn't just a sex partner. I actually have feelings for him and we really wanted to hear each other to help get us by.
I'm also trying really hard to curb my desire to be with my bf every weekend. The video chatting will help my boyfriend and I float by to a time when we can have a weekend together without my husband getting upset by it because there is not enough time for him. . .
When the three of us play together, we are happy. I don't really think my husband is mono, seeming he has a desire for other women. This is why we are/were swingers. He actually really loves watching me be with another man and has never had an issue before. This is just different because I love my bf and he's also having issues with the guy being his co-worker. I don't really understand completely why this is such a big deal to him, but he's explained it that it's because he has to look at the guy all day long and think about it. . . "That I'm married to him more than you. That I only get six hours of freedom from him when I go to sleep," hubby's quote.
I don't really even consider myself a swinger anymore. I did not find what I was looking for in it. I found my boyfriend out of my actions as a swinger but now I have no desire at all of being with anyone else other than him and my husband. .
As for counseling, I'm not sure if this is necessary right now. My husband and I still communicate. I am sharing all this with him right now. I have nothing to hide from him and I don't hide things from him at all. We really do talk a lot and we don't really fight much either. This is why he is screaming at my bf and not me. . .
Right now, I think my husband needs to learn how to change his thinking because he's suffering by his over thinking. It's not really anything me and my bf have done, it's his mind that is messing with him. I think he knows this as he has admitted it to the most part but still wants to blame me or more so blame my bf. He doesn't really trust HIM very much but he says he does trust me.
Anyway, I'm not too sure what will come about. My husband is not a violent guy. He vents and then he's moved on from it mostly.
At work, the two of them are friendly but my bf does get on his nerves sometimes. Mostly because he's a rather eccentric character and my husband is more down to earth, so they have a personality crash from time to time. He even thinks he's a "Goofball" and my bf certainly can be at times. . .
Sigh. I don't want to hurt my husband but I don't know how to turn the feelings I have for my bf "off". Frankly, I don't really want to either. I am really happy right now and my heart feels so full. That doesn't mean I'm not caring of my husband's feelings either. That's why I'm here trying to figure out how to make him feel better while keeping what I need as well.