One thing missing these days is physical intimacy. I feel like I need to start sleeping in a flannel nightgown, facial cream, headgear, knee socks, and rollers. I would probably get more of a rise out of him. Like seriously. I feel like he does not notice what I sleep in or look like. The Agent Provocateur, La Perla, and all lingerie are not working.
I think this stems from the lack of trust as well. He probably thinks I am going to fake it, so he pulls away from me. I believe another piece of this is he feels like he might not be enough to satisfy me. He could have been feeling like that subconsciously all this time. Can I just say that rejection sucks?
I am not even big on cuddling, but these days I am. We were cuddling yesterday morning. (I sleep curled up in his arms. I feel safe and secure that way. He has no problem holding me all night.) Nothing like EML (early morning loving), right? Things were heating up, but then he stopped and pulled away from me. His excuse was that he had to get ready for work. I found myself frustrated and hurt. I rarely cry, but I wanted to in that moment. I blinked away the tears and shook it off. It was not like he was mean or nasty about it. I guess I was just extra sensitive right then.
We talked about it before he went to bed a little while ago, and Matt assured me that it was not me. It was him, but he is working on it. I told him that my feelings were hurt. He apologised and promised that I was just as beautiful, sexy, and attractive as always. Too bad, I did not feel that way when he rejected me.
I am off to bed. I have to be at work for 10 today. Working on my day off. Crazy.