Originally Posted by Vixtoria
Oh I have gotten read the RIOT ACT, for disagreeing on what it means to use the terms Secondary, Poly, Primary, and others. Mostly it seems to be really really sensitive to anyone in anything resembling hierarchical relationships and if you attempt to give any other definition of hierarchy then you are wrong. Because hierarchy is bad, and everyone is equal all the time and equal means the same. Period. Seriously, been banned for arguing that one.
I recall reading arguments that spanned from this forum, to Live Journal, and other sites i can't remember which have basically said (this was not mr. Veaux talking to/by himself, mind you, it did involve one or more of his partners and other folks) that married couples are predatory and abusive for getting involved with other people but still wanting to remain "primary". In other words, by staying married and having access to the benefits of society that are afforded through marriage, such couples are exploiting that privilege at the expense of other individuals with whom they would become involved. This gets supported through anecdotal evidence of stories about clueless couples who treat additional partners as "the third" and so forth.
My opinion about that is: most people think only of themselves and treat others indifferently most of the time except when it is to their benefit to do otherwise. Although that does not make it ok to do so, it is unrealistic to be surprised when this happens to you. It has, however, nothing to do with hierarchy vs. equality, marriage, nonmonogamy, etc. it has to to with people being wrapped up in their own little insular experience of existence. It's impossible to avoid that because that is the human condition.